I love the colors of fall. When falls rolls round I crave the hot drinks and darker clothes. And sleep.... I am one of those that tend to have the floor drop out from under me when the dreariness of fall and winter descend. They even have a name for it now, "Seasonal Affective Disorder". Science indicates it's a lack of "light". Which leads me into these thoughts...
Most every scary movie has the bad stuff happen in the dark, in a storm, in rain... We understand somewhere deep inside, in that God place, that darkness doesn't belong. The bad happens in the dark.
I just watched a video on heroin addiction and it started me back thinking about why so many "children" are becoming dependent on drugs... any drug that will take them out of their current circumstances. I have six grandchildren and, honestly, I worry about them. I don't recall this much concern for my own children, but perhaps it's because I was too busy raising them.
Anyway, as I watched the video it seemed that everyone had a cell phone in their hand... everyone had a tattoo and a piercing on their face. I watched someone get a tattoo a few weeks ago and wondered why you would put yourself through that pain for a piece of art permanently placed on your body. Now, I understand to some degree, because I've asked the question and there is a draw to it. I've even considered it a time or two. I get that. And facial piercing. Well, I wear jewelry in my ears and that's an age old practice, but facial piercing... lips, nose, cheek, tongue... that's alot of pain for jewelry.
From that thought I went to the idea of so many youth cutting themselves. Wanting to "feel" something. Consolation in pain. Perhaps it's not unlike the saints of old who whipped themselves and hurt themselves to be closer to Christ. But, I don't think it's like that. I think it's some major mental pain they are going through.
What is this pain? Where does it come from inside? What causes a 20 year old girl or boy to take a drug they know is dangerous and enjoy that feeling it gives? A 15 year old; a 12 year old? I mean, I hate how tylenol PM makes me feel in the morning. Forget pain meds. I hate them. They make me feel out of control and that is torturous to me. They put me in darkness. But, then, I DO understand that slippy feeling of alcohol but have such a fear of alcoholism that I just don't often indulge and I want to scream at people who drink daily and say, "What are you doing?"... Don't you realize?
What is it about our life that makes us want to drop out? To prefer darkness to light. Is it technology... computers, phones, TV? Is it the lack of good jobs? Is it the pressure of the "good" jobs? Is it life without God's peace? Is it the constant barrage of news, music, sounds?
I know the feeling of wanting to go to bed and cover my head up. I'm feeling that way today, but I don't every day. I despise having the TV on during the day. I've capitulated when the girls are here, but then I think, "what am I doing"? TV should be an "extra" at the end of the day and not an "all day" thing. I remember Mom Elsea used to have to have the radio on 24/7 and she said it kept her company. I didn't care for it and preferred silence. I don't play my radio in my car very often unless Hannah asks. I prefer the silence. Perhaps it's because I'm pretty comfy with just me and God. And on days like this, even then, it's me and God. I don't feel that down... just draggy. Right now I'm in the house alone. No sounds except my typing and the 'clink' of the coffee cup as I sit it down.
And perhaps THAT is what I don't understand. I am old enough to remember silence. I am old enough to remember that noise was an intrusion and not a comfort.
I wish... I wish my children and grandchildren understood the value of silence. Life without ear buds.. The value of hearing a bird sing or the leaves in the wind. And for all children of this world, the same and perhaps in that they would learn to be comforted by life, by God and not need the comfort of darkness. Perhaps they would learn to not need pain to feel alive or a drug to numb them. Perhaps being alive would be enough.
And with that... I will quit... and sit in silence and think and pray... That is enough.
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